I was sexually assaulted a few months back and I thought I had slowly gotten past it and wouldn’t have to tell anyone. We used to be close but after that… I just drifted away from him and forgot about him. (For this thing’s sake, I’ll call him Ryan)
I made a mistake though in introducing him to my friends when we were first close and now he’s becoming friends with them and I constantly see him where I work now. When I do see him, I freeze, fidget and avoid eye contact with him. My co workers have noticed my reactions whenever he is around and luckily I’ve been able to avoid serving him at the counter and I’m hoping to keep it that way.
I told one of my co workers why I freeze whenever Ryan is around and he urged me to tell someone. He wouldn’t force me or tell anyone, but he said I should.
I want to but I don’t feel like it’s easy, and it’s been months, I’m afraid I may have left it too long because I was scared (even though I still am in all honesty) and as well…. I cheated on my boyfriend with him.
This went on for a month and in the end I felt like absolute shit. I regretted what I’d done and I wanted to end it with Ryan so I went to his house to talk to him. Before talking to him we played a few card games so as to try and calm myself down, and afterwards I told him I wanted to finish it, that if possible we had to go back to being friends, no more. That was when he assaulted me.
This is another reason why i’m scared to tell, I feel bad enough about what I did that I don’t want anyone else to know about me cheating. So if I do tell, then he’s going to tell and he’s going to ruin my relationship.
Is there any other way? I really hope to just forget about it. Can I avoid telling?